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TheBREAX - Change
(from the album TheBREAX [Hidden track on the song "Cold War"])
© copyright 2006

RUSLAN:

I'm a refugee, exiled from my homeland.
My birthplace is now the worst place for me to go.
Religious war forced me and my family to leave;
This was a change
Leaving mother Russian and Baku, we arrived in America, land of opportunity

We had nothing and opportunity only seemed to be for the rich.
My father split, my mother would sit
And look out the window for hours wondering things would switch
And she can catch a break and things would change.
Cuz 600 dollars a month wasn't enough to pay for rent and eat
So at the end of the month we were looking for change.
I said 600 dollars a month wasn't enough to pay for utilities and eat
So a lot of days my mother wouldn't eat

I was raised on mayonnaise sandwiches
What ya’ll know about Tampico juice when only one percent of it was real juice.
Spam was my only source of protein for years.
We could never afford ketchup so we had Kats up.
Matter of fact, we still have Katsup.
I was always geared with the latest thrift store fashions before it was cool to wear vintage clothes.
We always used to shop at payless shoes, and I didn't care if I couldn't rock LA gears cuz I had my ninja turtle kicks that would light up in the nighttime.

But don't let any hood movie fool you
There is nothing cool about being broke
No lights, no camera, no action
And anybody who's been broke will tell you there's nothing cool about being broke.

But one thing I did notice about underdeveloped urban areas is that there's a greater sense of community.
Cause for some reason, when you don't have anything
It's a lot easier to gather behind a movement that's greater than you.

And that's how I feel in love with Hip-Hop.
We used to walk passed pawnshops and I'd beg my parents for an electric guitar but we could never afford it.
But a notebook from the 99-cent store we can do.
What I'd do is write raps and record crappy songs on a karaoke machine with a dream of one day being emcee.
Up to that point I felt empty but this was the first time in my life I actually I fit in…

Well not all the time, because my love with Hip-Hop confused a lot of my friends
Growing up in the early 90's I was always too white for my black friends
And I always acted too "Black" for my white friends
And I was always to Americanized for my Armenian and Russian friends
And I was never patriotic or proud enough for anybody
But it wasn't until I moved out the hood that I heard a word on the basketball court that set a label and put me in a box
This wasn’t a friendly gesture stating the obvious that I was the only white guy on the basketball court like white chocolate or black Russian
No, I was called the wigger.
And that word, when I figured out what it meant, cut to the depths of my soul
Cuz it challenged my love for the only thing that gave me a sense of purpose
At the same time saying I have to change.
So I guess I had a bit of an identity crisis.

But I am a refugee, exiled from my homeland.
My birthplace is now the worst place for me to go.
Religious war forced me and my family to leave;
This was a change
Leaving mother Russian and Baku, we arrived in America, this land of opportunity

It was my mother who kept me rooted, showed me what truth is
I remember many cold long days and nights my mother would take me job-hunting with her
And no matter how hard times was, she always had a way of making me feel like our situation was just temporary
So with no motivation except survival instincts, my mother went back to school.

And my pops wasn't around and my mother and I had such a close relationship, that I started to develop certain feminine qualities that come from being raised by a single woman.
And I guess because of those qualities, mixed with society's ignorance and hate I was teased for acting gay.
At the age of eight before I even knew what sexuality was, these older boys I went to church with called me a fag and said I was gay.
Boys who served on the altar for prestige in the church said I was gay.

Cause sometimes instead of using my head I thought with my heart
And sometimes I'd like to put the action figures away and just draw
And get this; sometimes I actually spoke to young girls like human beings instead of viewing them like complete objects created for man to take advantage of and send home once they reached their climax.
Are those the things that made me "gay"?

But yo forget what them boys thought, cuz at a very young age I was developing what gentlemen today would call game.

So you can say my first experience with church wasn't great, but our situation changed. My mother got a job and I got real food.
A change of scenery put me in a situation where I can grow.
An encounter with God readjusted my moral compass
Change! I went from, being on welfare for 5 years to being a 21 year old homeowner. Change! I went from ninja turtle payless to having a shoe collection that would make the average Bible following believer yell "Idol worship"
Change! I went from being that out of place Hip-Hop wigger, to ripping the premier open mic spots from San Diego to LA
Change! Went from not having my pops around in my childhood, to us building a relationship
Change! And no my life isn't perfect, but you know what, life is good.
Nothing is certain except for change
I've faced many changes, challengers and struggles.
And I'm excited about what tomorrow may bring, cuz I know as long as I keep his kingdom first, I will never have to worry about material things.
Because I'm living for change
Because I'm working for change
Because I'm praying for change
Because I'm willing to change